The love, and life of Margie (1937 - 2019)

She stood at 4ft 7 and half, and always stopped to say hello to whoever was walking past her front door.

I knew her for 25 years of my 29.  When I met her I knew her as the wee woman who lived next door that we all always liked, and that never changed.  She was loud and complained about other things being loud too – a ball bouncing against her wall, her dog yapping because he saw a cat beyond his reach.  You could always hear Margie before you seen her because she would shout at you to say hello.

A straight-talker and as blunt as they come, Margie never hesitated to tell you what she thought.  My Mum has two friends saved as Margaret on her phone.  The first is Margie next door and the second a friend who lives in England.  On Christmas day 2018 Mum opened a present from English Margaret and sent her a text saying “Thank you for the thoughtful gift, I hope you have a lovely day.”

A few days later Mum went to visit Margie at the hospital.  Margie did not greet her warmly and Mum asked how she was doing.  Margie looked up in a flash and said “You’re a cheeky bitch”

Mum was aghast and worryingly asked what she had done to upset her.  Margie reminded Mum that she hadn’t got her a gift because she’s been in hospital for weeks and there was no need to be sending “sarky” messages. Mum smiled and told Margie the story, but Margie maintained that she was still a cheeky bitch.

A constant geg, Margie never held back on her questions or opinions.  She asked me if I would ever have any children and I replied that I didn’t think so.  She instantly said “Well I had one and she was nothing but hassle so you’re just right”

It turns out the reason Margie stood at such a short height (4ft 7.5) was that the part of her brain which distributes hormones did not develop properly when she was a child.  She told me all of this the last time I seen her.  Shortly after she married her husband John, she found out that she would never be able to have a child.  She turned to John that night and informed me he should remarry somebody who could give him children as it wasn’t fair on him.  John said he was happy with potentially adopting in the future.  Margie exclaimed that if he wanted to do that they would need to register right now because he’s very old (he was 10 years her senior).  They never did register.

About 5 year later Margie was feeling very ill and went to the doctors who advised her she had a cyst on her ovary which needed removed and she needed to wait on a bed at the hospital which would be available in 4 weeks.  When the time arrived the cyst had gotten bigger and the area had swollen.  Anxious to get it out Margie quickly asked when the surgery would happen.  The doctor examined her and said she was 3 months too early to be in hospital.  

Margie was furious and indignantly remarked she had waited 4 weeks for this bed and she deserved to be here.  The doctor leaned and told her “The cyst on your ovary has feet” She was 6 months pregnant and in 3 months a healthy baby girl was born.

She said after that it was confirmed again she would never have another baby and it was miracle a baby was able to grow.  I asked her if it was a relief to not have to worry about contraception before and after the birth of her daughter.  She said it was.

I have so many memories of Margie as a child of 5 through to 29.  She was hilarious and did not care what other people thought.  Despite her dark wit and diva attitude (she used to call my Mum and say “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU’RE DOING – GET IN HERE” she exuded love.  She appreciated us like we appreciated her and always took an interest in us like we did her.

As people grow older, lose their independence (and their good health) they become dependent on their friends and family to do what they cannot.  This woman deserved the love and care she was given in the last few years of her life as she had given love and care freely throughout her life up until her last days.

At the funeral today my Mum read out a poem about her relationship, admiration and love for our next door neighbour for a quarter of a century.  In it my Mum noted that Margie was like a second Mum to her.  Tears were shed and cackles of laughter were heard whilst detailing her visits to a local “social club” twice a week.

The minister said something that managed to stick with me and I think this applies to more than just losing somebody you love.  He said “you are hurting because you gave her love and received love from her” he continued and said that the love she brought to an overflowing room of people is not gone but is within us.  He concluded by saying it is now our responsibility to show that love to other people and not let it die with us.

She did not show her love with words or actions.  She showed with taking an interest in others, inviting others in for tea, making sure you were okay, letting you know you could come in anytime, making you dinners, telling you the truth, and by showing us all that if we needed her that she was there.  She is a person who taught me how to love better.

Margie never told me she loved me until she knew she was dying – but I knew it long before then.  We all did.