Online dating on the wrong side of 20.

“I just made this profile for a joke lol” 

I was in a relationship for the years that eclipsed my early twenties, and we thought at the time we were on board for marriage, kids and the white picket fence.  Yet going through a break up and having to readjust your future, is pretty much the worst and best thing that can happen to somebody.
 

First of all the term ‘wrong side of 20’ immediately gets me on the defensive.  I’m closer to 30, yes but I’m excited for EVERY decade of my life.   

My early twenties were, well, an educational time when it came to life lessons in just about everything I could think of.  So the prospect of dating in my late twenties is a bit more exciting because I know who I am, and what I want (and what I definitely don’t)

Dating these days seems to automatically equal online dating, which to be fair doesn’t have the reputation it had when I was in my teens.  No longer only for desperate loners - even the cool kids are talking about it.  I, like all people who were once in a long-term relationship said aloud ‘Oh I’d never online date, I’d need to meet somebody organically.’  Again this was just a new area of education for me.  Online dating was now socially acceptable and even encouraged despite having a negative undertone in some social circles.

After 6 months of getting myself back on my feet I ventured into the world of online dating with a huge splash.  I joined everything – I thought it heightened the chances of me finding somebody by quickly finding ALL the single men available.  So here’s a quick breakdown of the ones I joined.

POF (Plenty of Fish); a great ego boost but all the messages I received were from men a lot older  than me who I just wasn’t attracted to.  I felt overwhelmed with the amount of attention I was getting (which I must say felt nice) but I didn’t see anybody I would consider dating.  I then felt mean because I couldn’t keep us with my replies of rejection to all these hopeful males.  I ended up logging out and deleting it all for 2 days after getting 6 messages per hour.

OkCupid; This ones asks you a lot of questions about your morals, beliefs and preferences in order to pair you up with somebody like-minded.  I enjoyed this preface, it meant I wouldn’t be paired with a homophobe or sexual deviant.  Sadly it meant I was privy to all these things straight off which immediately put me off somebody if I found out they wanted marriage right away or they had once went on a rampant sex rage after a breakup (an actual question).  It was a no to OkCupid from me.

Bumble; The feminist dating app.  Intrigued by the tagline I’d heard from other singles I downloaded it with a hopeful heart.  It meant I could only message men who has already signalled they found me physically attractive.  Unlike POF and OKC men who I had no interest in couldn’t bombard me with messages.  My main problem with bumble was just there weren’t very many men actually on it.  I never once met anybody from Bumble.  

Frustrated I downloaded the most popular – Tinder.

I said I would never download Tinder, it was for hook ups and threesome propositions.  To my surprise Tinder turned out to be the clear winner.  It was simple – swipe left for no I don’t like your face, and yes for I might like your face.  The conversations that came from it were from men I was actually attracted to, who were interested in me in some capacity.

I think Tinder’s main strength is numbers.  More people are on Tinder (in the age and gender I am looking for) than on ANY other app.  I believe dating is about numbers, having more choice and being able to be picky.

So far I’ve went on a date with quite a variety of men from Tinder; short, tall, fat, thin, straight, bisexual, English, Spanish, French, older, younger etc.  Although not all my experiences have been positive (that’s a different story) they’ve all been an experience that’s made for a good life lesson and story to tell.
 

Currently I’ve been dating somebody from the Tinder app so I have deleted the app in the meantime to pursue this potential relationship.  It has a very handy feature were you can ‘hide’ your profile if you want a break from it, and you can even ‘pause your account’ so you can come back to it fully formed if you’re ready to go in the future.  All your pictures, bio and old matches will be waiting for you on your return.  Or you can choose to completely re-vamp your profile.

Online I’d say online dating requires a thick skin and an open heart.  I know people who have had babies, successful relationships, even marriages through online dating so I don’t think it’s all bad.  Like anything were you meet real life humans it can be risky and being on your guard is very important.

TLDR; if you wanna date and meet new people, online dating is a solid thing to explore.  Don’t take it too seriously.  Wear protection!

All my feelings,
J9