You should be loving someone.

From an early age we’re taught to be loving.  Love your family, show love to those around you, do what you love, aspire to fall in love.  It’s not shown to us absence of love.

I think because of this, kids from an early age start to seek somebody who could love them romantically.  It feels different than the love from our family and other close relationships.  It feels like a special kind of magic and elusive.  We start chasing it, and some people can chase it their whole lives.

We put so much stock on romantic relationships that those who don’t have one are often attempted to be matched up by friends.  They use phrases like “you DESERVE someone” as if being single is a punishment and only being in a relationship is classified as having it all.

Having been in happy, loving romantic relationships I do get this concept as that kind of happiness makes you feel arguably better than other heightened emotions and happiness.

The quest to find love, to be in love and happy is a bit of a nightmare.

I was chatting to a friend of mine who heard an old song and it brought him back to being a teenager and having such a burning desire for girls.  He remembered how it felt to get the butterflies, text for ages and reveal you liked them which the absolute horror in case they didn’t like you back.  He says now the dating process is empty and instantly forgettable.

Now with dating apps he felt it has sucked the fun out of it, and dating all follows a distinct pattern.  You swipe, and swipe, and swipe.  You get a match. You chat for a few days and then meet up.  If you get on you’ll continue to meet until one of you loses interest.  The cycle repeats endlessly.

It’s difficult not to lose heart, and to keep trying.  Yet if you come off the dating websites it’s so difficult to meet new people.  You work in the same place, have the same friends, go to the same places and you don’t come across many new people.  Never mind new people of the gender you’re interested in that are interested in you, that are single, that are interesting.  You wait a bit and end up straight back into the cycle in case you’re missing out on hot single men that are interested in you romantically again.

There’s no right answer, and everybody wants to give their opinion on it.  You should wait, you should make effort, you should stop being so picky, you should stop meeting them for drinks etc… It all comes back to what you’re comfortable with and the morals you’re living within.

I don’t think being in a happy loving relationship is the be all and end all.  Your health, job, family, friends, hobbies and travels are definitely up there and more beneficial long-term.  I think love is one of many plates you have to keep spinning and attempting to maintain - even it’s just being open to the possibility.  If you want something, my experience is to go out and get it and not sit and wait for it to come to you.

So I’ll conclude with saying that yes, love is a worthy goal.  One that needs attention and effort if it is to be achieved/maintained.  If we make it too much of a focus then all our other spinning plates start to slow or fall, but if we don’t focus on it at all then we can lose sight of it completely and it can be hard to find it again.

As for Tinder, it can stay… for now.

 

All my feelings, 

J9.